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2007-03-13 - 4:06 a.m. Tuesday, March 13
(Point-form diary style today... and also in the third person, mostly. Yeah, totally weird.)
- half of you doesn't give a shit. About being on time for the bus, for work. - all you want to do is watch Angel episodes all day long. And maybe drink Diet Coke to keep awake. And stay up late surfing on the internet. - you suddenly find yourself spending waaaaay to much time looking up your own particular brand of porn on the internet. And still feel frustrated,. and you know that even if you had a credit card, you wouldn't use one for "those" websites. Because to order the kind of porn I want, to actually see if it would live up to the fantasy in my head, that would be great. But credit card + internet porn = scary to me. - hoping that no-one has any way to find out what kind of porn I like. Because it's private. - you become sloth-like on the weekends. Sloth-like during the week, aside from work. Sloth. Sloth. Lovely word, so descriptive. - you think about making a box of deluxe macaroni and cheese, and eating it all yourself. It's very tempting. But also a bad idea. - you get depressed about The Police getting back together to tour. Simply because you know that you will never see them on tour, ever. Or Sting by himself, even. You will never meet Sting, you silly woman. You will never look into his eyes, and smile, and ask him if he's ever dreamt about mermaids with red hair. That is a silly fantasy, and you should just grow up. - you find yourself flirting with Cute Guy With Sexy Voice at work far too often. He starts it, but still... not a good idea. He's married, has kids. You're practically married. Flirting is fine and good. Flirting too often, habitually with the same person... not so good. Especially when.... - you get depressed because you are told you have to move to a different desk at work. (And the reasons seem really lame and flimsy, but you don't argue with your supervisor about these things. Ever.) Because Cute Guy/Sexy Voice will no longer be able to stand up and look over the dividing wall, and stare at you with that hungry look, and then grin and laugh. And you will miss listening to his Sexy Voice as he talks to customers. And somehow it all makes you want to cry. It's just a flirtation, it's nothing else. He's cute and sweet, and also not really my type anyway. So why did I feel like crying? - your Maid of Honour backs out of the wedding. And you totally understand, because you know she's going through a hard time. But you know that she probably won't come to the wedding. And this makes you so so so so very sad sad sad and miserable. Social Anxiety sucks ass, and that's probably what she has. And there is really nothing you can do to help her, all you can do is be there for her. - you don't want your sister's boyfriend anywhere near the wedding. But he will be there. The bastard. He's a two-timing prick who makes your sister unhappy in all sorts of ways. But for some reason, she thinks she loves him. So tempting to call up his fiance (yes you read that right)... and tell her, "Guess what? Matt is moving out to Alberta to be with my sister. Did you know that, Annelise? Maybe you should kick him out on the street before that happens. Did he tell you he's going on a trip on April 1st? Yeah, well, he's not supposed to come back. And ha apparently wants to marry my sister and have kids with her. You didn't know? Oh. Thought so." - you know that making the above phone call is baaaad idea, but it is still very tempting. But you wont' do it, because there is no point, really. It would change nothing, and only alienate your sister against you. - the fact that Ze Frank is ending The Show on March 17 is very depressing. So depressing, that I couldn't even bring myself to send in a short video clip of me saying "hi". Because it's ending, and it makes me much too sad. I love Ze. I don't care who knows that. I'll miss his Mon - Fri shows terribly. This is actually making me cry right now. I'm crying over Ze. - the idea of recording myself lying on the floor and singing "I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying on The Floor, and Crying In the Night Over You" sounds like a great idea. And it also makes me laugh. But I still can't stop crying over Ze leaving his vlog. - you wish that you had kept in better touch with all your internet friends. You know who you are. One in particular who is going through a very big life change, one that is will be ultimately very good for her and her kid, but is still very hard. Sending love and hugs your way, Lady. - you wish that you could invite some totally inappropriate people to the wedding, for totally inappropriate reasons. Like John-Boy, for instance. Just to show him that yeah, I'm marriage material. And to dance one last dance with him. Very silly. - you know that you are thinking about a particular male friend way too much. You know you love him as a friend, but you are still crushing on him as well, and it still hurts at times. You love your man, your fiance, you really really do. But J will always hold a piece of my heart, whether he knows it or not. It'll always belong to you, J, that bit. - you realize that crying and typing are not getting you anywhere. And that you have a really good man, a wonderful sexy man, waiting for you in bed. And you finally decide that it's bed time. Zounds! Copyright © 2002 - 2005 by Red, of simply-red.diaryland.com To find out Red's real identity (if you have a good reason) please e-mail at: simply-red *** AT *** diaryland *** DOT *** com (Remove asteriks and use symbols instead of words, duh.)
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